The Letter of Apology I Will Never Get From My Dad
I don’t think my father will ever be able to say the sorry I need from him to heal, so I wrote it myself, conveying it as best as I could based on what I know his capacity to be. “Every time you’ve tried to talk to me and make repairs, you’re asking for a lot of vulnerability. I can’t fix the past. I can’t fix how I’ve been. But admitting fault would mean I also have to work on myself in the future.”
Is It Ok We're Going to Couple’s Therapy?
I’d spent so much emotional effort not wanting to become my parents, especially in scenarios where my under-two-year-old child was present. Yet, here I still was, screaming at the top of my lungs in our kitchen instead of looking for common ground, practicing empathy, literally using any of my other emotional skills.
Being Called A First-Time Mom Made Me Anxious
So now, being called a FTM, while absolutely factual, is also anxiety-inducing. I know I’ve never had a baby before. But I’ve also felt unheard, had my worries reduced to ‘just’ anxiety, and had to argue that my needs were valid
Social Media is a Highlight Reel, But Please Don't Compare Yourself
Sometimes the reason I only share the good stuff is a lot more benign. And some of it is middle-of-the-range-benign with little ways to control it.
Please Stop Sending Solutions Saying That I Can JUST Stop Having Depression
It’s often a video where someone explains how being more positive can “cure” (yes cure is a keyword in this case) depression and anxiety, or one proclaiming that really Soy, Dairy, over-the-counter Tylenol, Gluten is the main problem. The solution is always so simple. Don’t you want to “live without Depression”?
How And Why I Began to Study Psychology. So I'd Become Perfect Of Course!
By sixteen, I was desperate to understand, no, to predict what might cause a minor “hey, that’s a silly thing to do!” versus a full-blown fight. If I could predict it, I could prevent it from happening by being perfect. If I couldn’t predict it, and I got into trouble, I’d always feel shame. I felt it was my job to solve every emotional mystery. To have known better and been one step ahead. And anyone in my family being upset meant I failed at it.
Am I sure I have ADHD? How I remembered I was neurodivergent and learned Self-Compassion Again.
That’s it. No more just maybe figuring it out when it comes to living with myself. I can’t. And it’s ok BECAUSE I know I’m neurodivergent. I have ADHD. I honestly, truly, pretended so good that I don’t in front of others that I forgot for a moment. Or 2 Years. Or I just wanted to forget so that it would be easier. But it made is so, so, so much harder. Mxiety has ADHD and that’s how it is.
It’s not the parenting influencers’ fault.
Ugh, I’m so done being told that I am doing everything wrong. That I’ve already messed up my kid! These influencers are just praying on parents who are already stressed and giving them a problem to need to solve in order to keep growing!—I’ve thought it too. My anger of choice was directed towards “sleep coaches.” But maybe it was me? Is it always me?
What The World Needs for Mental Health Advocacy Has Changed: A 6 Years Retrospective
This World Mental Health Day marks the 6 year anniversary of starting Mxiety as a blog with live streams dedicated to advocating for openness in mental health. Inevitably, this means nostalgia, introspection, and thoughts about the future have made home in my mind for the time being. Here they are laid out to make sense from
Mental Health Awareness Month and Content Creation: Lessons in Ethics I've learned in 5+ Years
It’s Mental Health Month 2023. And as over the years I’ve raised awareness in various ways, I am going to do something new and vulnerable. No, it’s not new that I’m being vulnerable, but I’ve been holding onto this info specifically for a few years. So here it goes—the ethics of talking about mental health on Twitch specifically.
Asking for Validation to Cope With Feeling Like You're Not Doing Enough
You don’t have to wait for validation for your turn to feel. You can control how long you wait and how much you put up with while you do. Even if others need you. If you have not given to yourself, what you’re offering them is a husk of a person left after everyone else has already had their turn to pick your emotions dry.
Does Stranger Things Season 4 Help Us Understand Trauma Through Vecna?
Stranger Things season 4 wowed in quite a few ways, but to me, the mental health angle in the subtle commentary around post-traumatic experiences and growth, stuck out the most.
Having a Baby If You Have Depression and Anxiety: My Timeline
Having a child was not always in the books for me. I came from a broken home and while I don’t think anyone needs to be a perfect parent, I started out only with a “Don’t Do This!” book, instead of a “Maybe these are some good ideas…” one. That in addition to understanding that my kiddo would be starting out with DNA with potential for glitches and figuring out how to come to terms about how I felt about that (because WHOA so many feelings).
Authenticity Means Something Different to Everyone
I feel like Authenticity is the new buzzword experts love to sell as the social media growth hack with little specifics as to what it means. Here’s my take…
Quiet That Inner Critic: It's Not Your Voice, It's Not Your Burden
The voice in your mind telling you that you’re a failure, that you don’t matter, that you are stupid or ugly, isn’t yours to carry around anymore.
Letter to Myself 10 Years from Now. Mxiety 2031
10 years from now it will be June 16, 2031 (HOLY SH) and I will be 40 years old (ALSO HOLY SH) which is silly a thing to write since you already know what date and year it is, I should just get to the all the good stuff and questions and reminders I have for you. I know you’re gonna cry too, so I hope you grabbed tissues.
Why We Need Multiple Avenues of Care For Mental Health Beyond Therapy
I honestly never would have thought I would write this piece because for so long, I held therapy as a panacea for mental health problems.
Accountability Vs Being Canceled and Mental Health
When you mess up in the public eye, the public now has the tools to correct you.
Most of the time, you can learn from how other people react to you and walk away a little bit better after being corrected. But there are always people who don’t mean well and ruin these positive learning experiences for everyone.
Affirmations For Streamers: to ease Imposter Syndrome, Depression, Jealousy and more
Research shows that repeating positive self-affirmations over time, along with other treatments, can help with developing a more positive attitude towards yourself and the world around you.
Here are the ones that I use daily for the conditions I live with: ADHD, Anxiety and Depression