By sixteen, I was desperate to understand, no, to predict what might cause a minor “hey, that’s a silly thing to do!” versus a full-blown fight. If I could predict it, I could prevent it from happening by being perfect. If I couldn’t predict it, and I got into trouble, I’d always feel shame. I felt it was my job to solve every emotional mystery. To have known better and been one step ahead. And anyone in my family being upset meant I failed at it.

That’s it. No more just maybe figuring it out when it comes to living with myself. I can’t. And it’s ok BECAUSE I know I’m neurodivergent. I have ADHD. I honestly, truly, pretended so good that I don’t in front of others that I forgot for a moment. Or 2 Years. Or I just wanted to forget so that it would be easier. But it made is so, so, so much harder. Mxiety has ADHD and that’s how it is.

Ugh, I’m so done being told that I am doing everything wrong. That I’ve already messed up my kid! These influencers are just praying on parents who are already stressed and giving them a problem to need to solve in order to keep growing!—I’ve thought it too. My anger of choice was directed towards “sleep coaches.” But maybe it was me? Is it always me?

This World Mental Health Day marks the 6 year anniversary of starting Mxiety as a blog with live streams dedicated to advocating for openness in mental health. Inevitably, this means nostalgia, introspection, and thoughts about the future have made home in my mind for the time being. Here they are laid out to make sense from