“The mental health risks people take in being an online personality become more prominent as their popularity grows. There is a lot of pressure to be “on,” be “perfect,” and be everything your audience wants you to be. You feel pressure to give them what you know they want - more content - and the hunger for that content never ends.”

If I am feeling ok, I don’t mind seeing prettier-than-life things, in fact, I often feel they inspire me. However, if I am a bit down on myself, the fire gets worse from the added coal of upward comparison. Is that anyone else’s fault? Not exactly. I compare myself enough to people in real life, that confronting more things I am bad at online becomes downright exhausting.

Already, in order to wake up and have a chance at a productive, I need to think of every inch of my body. If I don’t do this my brain will run haywire and might suddenly decide I don’t have enough air to breathe. But hey, I could just smile, right.

While I do not define myself by my diagnoses, I have found that I do better when the people surrounding me are understanding, forgiving and generally those who assume the best in others. I hope to reflect such kind traits in my own behavior too. It took a lot of thinking before I was able to identify what truly matters when it comes to building friendships.

I don’t know what I am afraid of more: darkness, loneliness, or the silence they both can bring with them. Once the lights go off, my brain churns in overtime. The shadows shift into something that isn’t there, and all my biggest fears seem to be real. For me, the dark is the time for each memory to play out anew.