What I found as a result of my search was another dose of perspective, similar to that which came from writing the aforementioned letter. I don’t know if handwriting is still a live form of journaling, I am sure all the cool kids keep theirs digitally. Writing, journaling, etc. offer a unique form of perspective that doctors have long confirmed to be incredibly helpful for mental health because it keeps you letting things out, helps in organizing thoughts, and provides a place to put emotions which may not be welcome. Writing is a powerful defense which took me about twenty years too long to pick up again.

Cover image by: Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash

If I am completely honest, I kind of thought that once I had gathered the courage to talk about my feelings with a stranger, that would be all I needed. That was the work. Sitting across the room from a therapist and reliving my nightmares was not easy. How could it that not be enough?

While I do not define myself by my diagnoses, I have found that I do better when the people surrounding me are understanding, forgiving and generally those who assume the best in others. I hope to reflect such kind traits in my own behavior too. It took a lot of thinking before I was able to identify what truly matters when it comes to building friendships.

As much as it pains me to admit, I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to helping my friends with mental illnesses. I deeply regret the friendships I have lost, when I reacted or behaved in a way that was what the person requesting love was expecting or needed at the time.
Here is how I have Mishandled some situations.

You won last night. I would say I hope you’re happy, but of course, I already know you’re not. Even though you left in a huff, satisfied with how you escalated things, I know you’ll be back. This morning I got the fight back in me and I’m mad about how you behaved. It seems silly to be communicating like this, but I wanted to get this letter out to you before you came back, so that you know where we stand going forward.