We work hard to be kind. Good people don't bully others. But it seems they often don’t mind being bullies to themselves. And that's exactly how self-loathing grows. Who enjoys spending time with someone who offers hatred and bitterness when it’s so much more pleasant to be encouraged, loved and supported? I have found that working on becoming my own friend has helped me in many ways...

Narcissism Personality Disorder is a mental health issue which does not have to be synonymous with being mean or vindictive or even a bad parent. But when all those qualities align we, as children, are forced to learn bad habits in order to survive our toxic environment. Here’s a list that may help identify negative coping behaviors we may have picked up through our shared experiences as children of narcissists.

I talk about going to the doctor, being diagnosed and admitting to having a problem as the first steps towards feeling better. I also would be lying, if I said I was okay with my illness. I go through spurts of being exceedingly angry with myself. Mad at my brain. My body. My genetics. But mostly, I am mad at the disease.

Most people can never truly understand the currency of anxiety. Each letter typed is worth about 3 negative thoughts. Now before you get worried about the negative-thought-to-word conversion rate, perhaps wait for me to lay it out below. And if you’re that concerned, maybe it’s because you would like to know what the conversation will leave you with in your own struggle?
--Photo by Tristan Gassert on Unsplash

Imagine a big storage case, with a ton of clips sitting inside and when you recall one, your brain works like a vending machine to dispense it to your consciousness.

With flashbacks, or in my case, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the vending machine is broken and releases too many clips out at once, or starts dispensing them without someone placing an order, at the wrong time. Anything I have lived through can be easily accessed at any moment. Good or bad memories—the brain is dispensing without regard.