I don’t know what I am afraid of more: darkness, loneliness, or the silence they both can bring with them. Once the lights go off, my brain churns in overtime. The shadows shift into something that isn’t there, and all my biggest fears seem to be real. For me, the dark is the time for each memory to play out anew.

I talk about going to the doctor, being diagnosed and admitting to having a problem as the first steps towards feeling better. I also would be lying, if I said I was okay with my illness. I go through spurts of being exceedingly angry with myself. Mad at my brain. My body. My genetics. But mostly, I am mad at the disease.

Most people can never truly understand the currency of anxiety. Each letter typed is worth about 3 negative thoughts. Now before you get worried about the negative-thought-to-word conversion rate, perhaps wait for me to lay it out below. And if you’re that concerned, maybe it’s because you would like to know what the conversation will leave you with in your own struggle?
--Photo by Tristan Gassert on Unsplash

With 6.9% of Americans reporting to have suffered a depressive episode in 2012 alone, we shouldn’t be saying things like, “what now all millennials are depressed” or “you just need to think positively more”. Instead, maybe we can research the problems and find a way to help those who need it, become comfortable receiving help. Not doing so, leaves people waiting longer to get better. And for those of us who do get help, it feels like you’ve joined a club so secret, even its members don’t know who’s in the club with them.