The difference between me accepting my issues in the past versus now is just patience. Every time my mental well being makes a turn for the best, I get to reset my rejoicing, as much as I return to feeling hopeless when I am emotionally attacking myself for what feels like the 1000th time.

Depression: the exact symptoms vary from person to person, but the isolation comes standard. There are plenty of good articles out there about finding solutions for the excessive lows that accompany this mental illness, but this one will be a bit different. I will not tell you what you’re doing wrong, and I will not tell you that you HAVE to do XYZ to feel better.

So now, you tell me. Was ignorance bliss or was awareness my savior? Was my diagnosis my crutch or my comfort and explanation? Should you continue sleeping through the nightmare because you just want some rest, or should you violently wake yourself up and go through the painful process of dealing with things?

It’s hard to see something like that and not feel worse at the thought that this might not be the case with your own illness. As much as I hate to admit it, it makes me feel awful, even jealous, when I see stories about people who have suffered from depression at one point in their lives but no longer qualify for the diagnosis. The people who seemingly “beat it,” so to speak.

It recently happened that I lost 20 lbs or 9 kg in six months. After having to replace my wardrobe and getting used to seeing my new form in the mirror, one thing I never expected was that the women I talked to about this would immediately respond to my concern with jealousy.